When Compassion Needs No Defense

A close relative asked me a simple question the other day.

“So… what’s new?”

I shared something that felt meaningful to me.

That I was beginning a youth leadership program through Toastmasters International for a small group of high school students. Teens who have had very hard lives. A small school. Faith-based. Only twelve students.

There was a pause.

Then she said, “Be careful. You have to watch out for the beliefs in those church programs.”

I was caught off guard.

Not because the comment was harsh — it wasn’t.

But because of what it focused on.

Instead of the students.

Instead of the support.

Instead of the opportunity for these teens to learn how to communicate and find their voice.

The attention landed on the container — not the care.

And suddenly, I found myself explaining why I was doing the work at all.

That it wasn’t about religion.

That it was about service.

These students had lived through a lot.

She listened. She softened. The conversation moved on.

But the moment stayed with me.

Later, I tried to understand why the exchange lingered.

Not with judgment — but with curiosity.

As I talked it through with my husband, he offered a perspective that helped me see it differently. That the response may have been shaped by the larger climate we’re all living in. That for some, certain belief systems carry weight, history, and concern — even when compassion is present.

That didn’t make the comment right or wrong.

It simply gave it context.

And in that context, something became clear to me.

Inner wisdom isn’t about getting upset when someone responds from a different place.

And it isn’t about needing to convince them otherwise.

It’s about staying rooted in yourself — without hardening — and holding compassion for where the other person is standing.

The next day, I met the students.

Quiet. Reserved. Polite.

Watching carefully.

I told them honestly that I would need to earn their trust.

It had been more than ten years since I stood in front of a classroom. Back then, as a speech pathologist, I led primarily from my head — then my heart followed.

What I’m learning is that inner wisdom has to be cultivated.

So that when beliefs differ — when conversations feel weighted — I don’t become reactive or defensive.

That pause doesn’t always come easily. Especially when we’re conditioned to respond quickly, to explain, to justify.

But over time, with reflection and lived experience, something shifts.

✍️ About Nancy

I’m Nancy Waring, holistic wellness|inner wisdom coach, yoga & breathwork guide, and author of The Vibrant Sage: Arousing Energy for Health and Happiness. I help women reconnect with their energy, strength, and self-trust through simple, sustainable practices that support the body, calm the mind, and awaken purpose.